TOLEDO, OH—Assuring the potential customer that his guys were their best shot at a decent deal in town, a group of men with a pickup outside Peabody Funeral Parlor told a grieving family Tuesday that they would be able to bury their grandmother for much cheaper. “Trust me, you’re gonna get hosed if you stick with the funeral director in there—w e got the shovels and ropes in the backseat, so we can do this right away,” said Tom Sanford, one of the men gathered around the beat-up truck promising to get the job done in less than 45 minutes or their money back. “We got a real beaut of a plot out behind the quarry, and we’ll treat grandma right. Don’t worry about it, folks. We’re professionals. Let me just ask: How much are they asking for the coffin? I bet we can do it for half as much.” Sanford added that he could sweeten the deal if the family threw in a few other relatives for burial.