Political News

What To Know About America’s Refugee Resettlement Program

President Biden recently received criticism for a nnouncing that he would not raise the cap on the number of refugees admitted to the U.S. as part of the nation’s resettlement program, shining a spotlight on a institution many Americans don’t know much about. The Onion answers common questions about the U.S. refugee resettlement program.

Q: Who counts as a refugee?
A: Anyone who is both fleeing hardship in their home country and unlikely to rock the boat too much with the average Pennsylvania voter.

Q: How long is the screening process?
A: Between one and two American invasions of the refugee’s home country.

Q: How many refugees are allowed entry each year?
A: You sure are asking a lot of questions for a so-called American citizen.

Q: How do refugees apply for admission? 
A: They must wow the judges with whichever skill they present in their five-minute audition tape.

Q: Where do refugees resettle?
A: Every refugee who has entered the U.S. since 1982 moved to your stepfather’s neighborhood.

Q: Can refugees legally work in the United States? 
A: Refugees are encouraged to find soul-crushing and underpaying employment as soon as possible.

Q: Are refugees provided medical assistance? 
A: No one in the U.S. is provided with medical assistance under any circumstances.

Q: What are refugees seeking?
A: The rich, smoky taste of Texas BBQ.

Source: What To Know About America’s Refugee Resettlement Program

Back to top button